The Truth Will Set You Free…

Rev. Melanie Harrell Delaney
September 7, 2014

Romans 13:8-14

 Owe no one anything, except to love one another; for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. 9The commandments, ‘You shall not commit adultery; you shall not murder; you shall not steal; you shall not covet’; and any other commandment, are summed up in this word, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 10Love does no wrong to a neighbor; therefore, love is the fulfilling of the law.

Besides this, you know what time it is, how it is now the moment for you to wake from sleep. For salvation is nearer to us now than when we became believers; 12the night is far gone, the day is near. Let us then lay aside the works of darkness and put on the armor of light; 13let us live honorably as in the day, not in reveling and drunkenness, not in debauchery and licentiousness, not in quarrelling and jealousy.14Instead, put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires. 

Matthew 18:15-20

15 ‘If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. 16But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax-collector. 18Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.19Again, truly I tell you, if two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.’

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I had a hard time with our lectionary scriptures this week. 90% of the time I can read one of the four scripture passages marked for that particular Sunday and feel the Spirit drawing me toward one or the other. 99% of the time, by reading the passages slowly, over and over, pulling out a phrase or two that stands out to me and trying to match that phrase with something else going on – in the church, in the news, in a blog post – I can weave together a sermon that feels right for that particular week, even though the scripture passages have been chosen long before.  But this week…this week…

I didn’t have trouble at first. I loved Paul’s words to the Romans: “Owe no one anything, except to love one another.” It’s a bold statement, in a context of consumerism and rising debt and an individualistic culture of “winners” and “losers.” “Owe no one anything, except to love one another.” There is something prophetic and bold in Paul’s words. That one, single, sentence preaches volumes.

And that sentence connected to Matthew’s gospel text – teachings of Jesus that focus on how we love one another. What we do when loving each other is difficult because of sin and hurt and division. These texts made sense to me and I knew there was a sermon here. But I had a hard time pulling it together.

Because I started with Matthew’s gospel text. Some scholars suggest that Jesus didn’t actually say what Matthew records, because this is one of only two times in the gospels where the word “church” (ekklesia) is used.

Jesus didn’t really talk about “church” because Christian groups didn’t start formally identifying themselves as such until after Christ’s death and resurrection. So many scholars suggest that Matthew framed Jesus’ words here with his own Christian community in mind. (Apparently, church conflict is as old as the church itself! I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse…)Taken as a stand-alone passage, Matthew’s account of Jesus’ words appear to be a guide-book about how to deal with church folks in particular, members of the community who sin against another. I’ve known churches to use this passage as a step by step guide, so I started thinking about what it would look like in practice.

Say a church member steals money from the offering plate as it is passed through the pews. The plate comes by, and this person reaches in as if to place an envelope…and just pulls a few loose bills out as she goes. “No big deal, just a few dollars,” she thinks. But the deacon sees it happen. He doesn’t know what to do, but he remembers this scripture.

‘If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. 

Step one. So he pulls her aside after church. “Did you take money from the offering plate during worship?” he asks. “No,” the woman replies. “Well, I saw you take some money from the offering plate today,” the deacon pushes again. “No, I didn’t.” The woman snaps and then walks away.

But if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses.

Step two. The deacon talks to the pastor and an Elder. They ask to meet with the woman after church the next week. All three enter the room nervously, the woman already on the defense. They sit down. “Ms. Jones, Mr. Deacon here says he saw you take money from the offering plate on Sunday…” “No, I didn’t!” the woman says angrily, “I can’t believe all of you are accusing me of stealing! This is my church! I’m offended!” Walls come up, anger flares, nothing changes.

Okay, so far, I can see this happening in a church, and so far, it’s not too bad but not exactly effective either. But then we get to step three: 

If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church

Would we really call a congregational meeting, or spread word around the community, if we thought someone had stolen money, or sinned in another way – say they spread gossip, or sabotaged someone else’s ministry? Would we really call the entire church together to “tell” about the sin publically? What would that accomplish, aside from completely embarrassing or angering the accused? I’m just not so sure…

And then the last step: and if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax-collector. Basically, if the sinner refuses to repent, to acknowledge and apologize for the sin, even after being caught and confronted by one, three, and the entire community…they are to be treated as outsiders.

Really, Jesus? Excommunicate the sinner? That doesn’t sound much like you…nor does it sound all that effective in practice.  No matter what “sin” one against another I could think of, I couldn’t imagine bringing it to a congregational meeting and/or excommunicating someone because of it.

I read and re-read the passage. Then I read and re-read the passage from Romans. “Owe no one anything except to love them.” There was something I was missing.

So I did what I usually do when I don’t understand a piece of scripture. I read what came before and what comes after. Context. It matters a great deal. Aha! Here’s what I found:

In the first 14 verses of Matthew 18, Jesus tells a familiar parable. A shepherd and his 100 sheep. One sheep wanders off and is lost. The shepherd leaves the 99 others unguarded to go and find the one.  The shepherd’s primary goal is to bring the one back into the flock. God is like a shepherd who will leave ninety-nine sheep to themselves, Jesus says, in order to find the one that has gone astray So the first 14 verses of this chapter are about inclusion.  In the 14 verses that follow our passage (vs. 21-35), Peter asks a question about forgiveness, “how many times must I forgive someone?” Seventy times seven, Jesus says- or about as many times as it takes to love your neighbor back into right relationship with you. And then Jesus follows up his instructions with a stark parable about what may happen to those who cannot extend God’s forgiveness to others. So the last 14 verses of the chapter are about forgiveness. Our scripture passage this morning is book-ended by inclusion and forgiveness!

Inclusion and forgiveness. What happens if we re-read our passage in the light of inclusion and forgiveness? What if inclusion and forgiveness are the unspoken goal of Jesus’ instructions to the church community? What if this passage in the middle of chapter 18 isn’t a guidebook for how to inform another of the ways they’ve wronged us? What if it’s not a step-by step guide to earn an apology.

Following Jesus’ intent, the primary goal of this passage isn’t to change someone’s behavior, or demonstrate how he is wrong, or even to invite her to repentance. In fact, it’s not really about righting the wrong done…

it’s about restoring the relationship. The goal is to speak truthfully about the breach or hurt you are experiencing, taking responsibility for your feelings and actions and then inviting the other person to do the same. It’s about opening up a conversation that you might find a way forward together. Speaking not just to but also with each other, holding each other accountable through vulnerability rather than by force.

To speak the truth in love, with love, for the sake of love.

That’s what we owe one another. Not a declaration of who did right and who did wrong, grudges and debt, not winners and losers, but vulnerability, conversation, and love.

So what does this look like, following our scripture passage this morning? Here’s what I imagine: Say someone sins against you. Maybe they steal something from you, or the church, maybe they spread gossip, maybe they hurt you in another way. What do you do?

‘If another member of the church sins against you, go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. 

If you have been hurt or injured by someone, pull them aside privately. Do not rip them to shreds in front of others, make passive aggressive comments in the parking lot, or shove your hurt down deep inside only to let it bubble and boil over at a later time. Speak to your brother or sister. Bring it up. Tell them you’ve been hurt or injured or wronged. But, but, here’s the twist: bring it up not because you think you’re right, not to earn an apology…but to “regain that one.” The point of bringing the sin to light is not to “win” an apology, or to be right, but to restore a relationship with the person who has hurt you. Restoring the relationship – that sounds a lot like inclusion, doesn’t it? Renewing the ties that are broken – that takes forgiveness, doesn’t it?

It also takes a willingness to be vulnerable, to put yourself in another person’s shoes. So say someone has wronged you, and your task is to love them enough to restore a relationship even though you are angry or hurt or sad. How can you do that? Start by trying to see them as God sees them. Pray and ask God for new eyes. Try to see the one who has sinned against you as the beloved child of God that they are. Keep trying until you do see them that way – until you can see their struggle, their pain, their grief as much as you can feel and see your own. Then, and only then, is it time to speak to them in private, not for the purpose of accusing, but for the purpose of understanding why they might have done what they did. What caused them to sin, to stray? Out of love, your task is to find out how to help them back into right relationship with you, with God, and with the community.

It’s the same with steps 2-4. If a one-on-one conversation doesn’t restore relationship, others are brought in. Not to accuse, not as back-up so that it’s 4-1. Others are brought in to witness, to love, to mediate and restore broken relationships. And if the problem is still bigger and brought to the entire church community? Again, it’s not to accuse…not to name names and force an apology and punishment. It has to be to help, to love, guide with care and concern. It has to be like the shepherd who left the 99 in order to bring back the one. Even when Matthew speaks of letting “such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax-collector,” he is meaning that we ought to do for them what Jesus did for Gentiles and tax-collectors: seek them out, eat with them, invite them in. It’s not excommunication, but once again, inclusion. Right relationship.

As a fellow pastor says, (David Lose) “the key is to put being in relationship above being right, and to take incredibly seriously how much God wants us all to be in good relationship with each other and with God.”

I heard a story this week on a podcast called Radio Lab, about a man named Hector, whose daughter was brutally murdered. Hector admitted that prior to the man’s trial, Ivan was his name, Hector wanted nothing more than for Ivan to receive the death penalty. But at the trial, Hector is compelled to read a statement in which he says, “I wish for all of us who have been so wounded by this crime, I wish that we would find God’s peace…and I wish that also for you, Ivan Simpson.” And as he finished his statement, Hector sees tears streaming from Ivan’s eyes and he describes the look on his face as “a soul in hell.”

Ivan is sentenced to years in prison, and the trial is over but Hector can’t get the look of torment in Ivan’s eyes out of his own mind and heart. Hector writes Ivan a letter in prison, wondering what Ivan’s life had been like – what had led him to do such a thing as murder. Profoundly, the letter begins with these words: “I forgive you...”

Ivan writes back, describing a childhood none of us could even bear to imagine. Hector follows with another letter, and Ivan with another. Over time, the two men begin to understand each other, and surprisingly, astoundingly, even become friends of a sort. It’s an amazing story to listen to. (If you’d like to listen to it, look up the podcast title “Dear Hector” at www.radiolab.org)

It all started with vulnerability. A letter. Repentance and forgiveness. Relationship Restored. God’s desire. Kingdom on Earth.

This morning I’d like you to think about a time you have been hurt or sinned against. Whether long in the past or just yesterday, something small or earth-shattering, bring to mind a relationship that has been harmed in some way – maybe a sibling fight that was never resolved, a co-worker who did something to hurt you, or maybe a time when you did something you regret that hurt another person. Bring to mind a broken relationship. Take a few minutes if you need to, to pray and think of them through God’s eyes – as a beloved child of God with gifts and hopes as well as struggles, pain, and mistakes. Pray as Hector did – for God’s peace.” Pray to love them as you love yourself.

And then take a piece of paper and pencil that is provided in the pews. Begin a letter to that person. Whether or not you ever finish or send the letter isn’t the point. But begin it.